Bag O' Zombies Contest |
|||||||
|
|
||||||||||||
Zombies, Zombies and More Zombies!
By Paul Willhouse
First though, I want to pass along the suggestions of my 8-year-old son, Alex:
- Set the figures up in a large circle and use them as a nightlight
- Set up a table in the front yard, sell the figures in groups of three or 14
- Give them away (his subtle way of asking me to give them to him, I think)
My thoughts on what to do with 100 zombies:
- Turn out the lights and use 'em as candles on a birthday cake (no more burn/fire hazard, also a subtle reminder of where all of these birthdays are eventually going)
- Use ornament hooks (I checked - they go through the hole in the stomach just fine) and replace your Christmas tree lights with glowing zombies (again, no fire hazard, also saves on electricity)
- Liven up that dreary Norman Rockwellesque HO scale train set up (yes, pun intended)
- Sew 'em onto a cowboy-style shirt (neck and stomach hole) - become the first "zombiestone cowboy" (ala Glen Campbell)
- Throw them in place of rice at the next wedding of a fellow zombie-phile (ecologically sound - not harmful to birds, has got to be easier to clean up than rice)
- Replace one army in the game of Risk with zombies - take over the world! (remember, every army the zombies take out becomes another army of the undead...)
- Never get lost again - next time toss down zombies instead of bread crumbs
- Cannibalize half to make two-headed, four-armed abominations
- Use 'em for night time target practice
- Freeze 'em into ice cubes for your next Halloween party (for best results, have some piece sticking out of each cube - only use cubes where the zombies are clearly visible, and be sure to point 'em out to your guests when you hand them that first drink)
- Create a few dioramas or scenes using painted zombies and HO scale figures, buildings and shrubbery - photograph each with a digital camera - build a story (example: opening shot a normal town scene, then show zombies in the trees, then zombies in town creating mayhem, a military response (Revell is producing some fine modern military sets), finally...) - put your scenes in order into powerpoint, save as a powerpoint show - use as a screensaver
- As above, but use the photo to generate unique Halloween cards
- As above, but create a Christmas scene gone all to Hell (a zombie carrying some poor soul away - nothing gross, no body parts, people running away, things turned over), produce Christmas cards reading something like "Bob Finds that Perfect Gift" (be careful who you give these to...)
- Introduce your zombie army at the next ancients/medieval wargaming event in your neighborhood - really turn things upside down
- Run small chain/necklace through the hole in the stomach - create the "necklace of the living dead"
- Create "graveyard scene cupcakes" - bake chocolate cupcakes, partially embed one or two in the top, apply frosting (chocolate for plain earth, white for snow, green for neatly manicured lawn), use Pez candies as tombstones, parsley as shrubbery
- Paint one, photograph it in extreme close up with a Pittsburgh background, send it to The Onion with an article exposing 'Night of the Living Dead' as a documentary, not a work of fiction
- Put them on a strict regimen of growth hormones for several months until they reach full size, then run like Hell when we figure out that plastic zombies really aren't bothered at all by a bullet to the head...
- Do the growth hormone thing as above, but after several months feel really foolish when we figure out that inanimate 1" tall plastic zombies will always be inanimate 1" tall plastic zombies...
- Just buy 'em, cause they're so damned cool!
|